3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
