fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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