just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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