i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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