I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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