i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
sex in a hospital.. check
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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