he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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