dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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