i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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