Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
