Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
