worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
