this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
