I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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