filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
