Your tits are I can't wait for
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
