Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I want is dick and wine.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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