Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
