So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
