I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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