you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
