you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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