her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
