Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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