giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
