All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
