guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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