Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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