Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
