we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
