Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You're like the curious george of whores
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
