Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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