I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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