first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
