Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
