They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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