Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
