He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
