I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
