why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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