4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
