I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
