My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
