I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
