i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
