I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
