So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
