We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
