I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
