Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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