Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
