that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
