I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
